A New Thing.
Start here. (Originally shared Monday, March 4th 2024 to my Black Girl In Om newsletter community.)
Hi friend,
I am writing to let you know that I am officially, lovingly and gratefully closing the doors on Black Girl in Om. I am stepping into what I know will be an exciting new chapter, and one more vital than what has come before.
I started Black Girl in Om in 2014. In creating the space that I needed, it turned out that thousands of people around the world needed it too. From its inception, the core of BGIO was rooted in self-care, self-love, and holistic wellbeing. BGIO became as wonderfully expansive as it was due to an incredible team of dynamic, brilliant, incomparable Black women and women of color surrounding me in the vision making process. It became culture shifting, life giving, and wholly transformational. Over the years, countless individuals have shared their own testimonies of how BGIO has transformed their lives, careers, family trajectory, and perspectives. I give thanks for the journey, for the lives touched, and for all the meaningful impact.
While many of you have heard me share my origin story many times over, whether on my podcast, in press interviews, or when you've personally asked me when we've shared space together, there's aspects of my origin story that I've never shared that are actually quite essential to why I felt compelled to start BGIO, and that also lay the groundwork for the new chapter that I am announcing today.
I grew up within a Christian household, and went to Christian schools from pre-K through my sophomore year of high school.
I had a relationship and connection with Yahweh, the God of the Bible, from birth to early adulthood. What shifted? I experienced a breakup in college followed by a deeply felt “church hurt" related to that relationship ending within my campus Bible study group. This hurt, left unaddressed and subsequently unhealed, distanced me from the only Christ-centered community that I felt connected to. Then, a spiritual experience that I had when visiting an indigenous community on a reservation in Montana opened my eyes to the spirit realm outside of a Christian context. Later, a theology course introduced me to various world religions. I also began to clearly see and grapple with the emotional abuse that I experienced growing up, and my heart began to harden against both my earthly father, and my heavenly Father. All of these things, combined, gradually created space between the Lord and me.
After I graduated college and went onto graduate school, moving to a new state and new environment for the first time, I felt lost and isolated without a strong spiritual foundation. What filled the void for me spiritually? Yoga. And I held onto it like it was my everything.
A couple years after graduate school, and hundreds of hours of yoga practice later, earning my yoga teaching certification would be the catalyzing choice that led to Black Girl in Om. The next few years I dove enthusiastically into learning, teaching, and holding space for various New Age as well as ancient religious and spiritual systems from Asia and Africa. I went through various certifications, “healings” and trainings. Then, beginning in 2019, I received my first spiritual reading which led to various ceremonial rituals in an African traditional religion in the pursuit of healing and protection for my family. This was the start of a chapter where things started to get particularly dark for me.
I will be sharing more about this journey soon, but eventually, it all came to a head and manifested into deep depression. From November 2022 to February 2023 I found it extremely difficult to navigate life. I struggled with panic attacks, waking up in the middle of the night to face extremely painful thoughts that made it hard to sleep at all, and overall felt consumed by shame. So many lies played on repeat in my mind and threatened to consume and end my life.
When I finally came to a place of desperation to be spiritually and mentally free from months of torment (truly), the name that I called upon was Jesus Christ. He sent people to me to minister to me from a place of non-judgement, endless grace and compassion during that dark time. And, just like outlined in God's Word, the entities that I was so afraid of fell back at the mention of His name and I received freedom. Transformation and sanctification has come (and will continue to) over time.
Now, I know that what I went through was both deeply spiritual and mental. I do not underestimate the power of prayer and a deeply intentional walk with the Lord, alongside therapy when healing from complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), and, when needed, medication (which until that point I had an unconsciously held stigma against because of my love for all things “natural” as a longtime holistic wellness girlie). Spiritual health, rooted in a relationship with Jesus, and mental health are now inseparable for me.
Most people go through spiritual and mental health battles like what I did silently and without support. So, it is with urgency and obedience that I share this today. I know that there are countless people who may be struggling like I was, due to dabbling in spiritual paths that present themselves as love and light, but that are insidiously rooted in destruction.
I never saw this coming…but, I'm now being led to create a Christ-centered wellness community. I'm grateful, and humbled, to be creating something new — or rather God is creating something new within me — that offers a space for people of faith to come together for healing in Him.
I find myself being called to a higher purpose than I could have ever imagined. Surrendering my plans for what I thought my career and live would look like and stepping into the creation of a ministry.
After a few months of shrinking and trying to run away from what the Lord is calling me to do, which looked all kinds of ways (more on that soon),…I am running into it.
From day one, Black Girl in Om was about creating a sacred space for Black women and women of color to heal. I reflect now about how God is so good to be able to redeem every season for His glory. The new space I'm being called to create will undoubtedly receive as many of you as have also been called and chosen by Him, as well.
Thank you for reading. I pray that whatever part of your journey you find yourself on this plants a seed for you to receive the incomparable love and true healing that is available to you in Christ.
P.S. Since sharing this, I’ve received dozens of incredible responses, testimonies and affirmations that this testimony was an answered prayer. (Like below.) I give all glory to God, and I give gratitude for those of you who have been praying for me over the years. Thank you!
